Well faithful readers, for those of you just joining us, we’ve been reprinting the transcripts of a series of oral interviews conducted with Marcus Williams, the hero Polarity. Now without any further delays…. Part two of the interview.
Interviewer: Bill, you ready?
Soundman: You can roll whenever you’re ready.
Interviewer: Mr. Williams, how are you today?
Polarity: I’m … excuse me…Cough, Cough, I’m… cough, cough.
Interviewer: Would you like me to get you some water?
Polarity: No, I’m fine. It’s these damned pills, never liked taking them. I always feel like I’m choking.
Interviewer: We can wait if you’re not up to this.
Polarity: No, no, I’m fine, really.
Interviewer: Okay then, we’ll keep rolling. When we talking with you yesterday, you were telling us about your first adventure with the Untouchables.
Polarity: Yes, good times, good times.
Interviewer: You’d just finished explaining to us how the Untouchables had battled the Misfits, while under the influence of Moon Dust.
Polarity: Did I tell you about the explosion?
Interviewer: Yes sir, I believe you did. What happened after that?
Polarity: Well the feds rushed in, and cleaned everything up. They were in a panic, as no one new what’d happened to Faust or when the switch had taken place. We began checking out members of Faust’s security detail, and some irregularities popped up. The feds ended up busting one of the guys on Faust’s security detail. Turns out he’d help set up the kidnapping, and setting us up.
Interviewer: And the misfits, what were they up to?
Polarity: Well, after our little incident at the house, the feds split us up and sent them out on a separate mission. They were supposed to be tracking down Strange Face, and his robots, but ended up getting sidetracked. I’ll get back to that later, as things get a little complicated, and my memories aren’t as clear as they used to be. I don’t want to end up misquoting what happened with them.
Interviewer: That’s fine sir.
Polarity: Now where was I? Oh…the feds. Well we managed to work out where we think the switch had taken place, and went to check it out. It was at some fast food joint, who’s name I don’t recall at the moment.
Interviewer: Culvers?
Polarity: That sounds right. Okay, so we get to Culvers and start checking the place out, things get a little fuzzy here, as to who did what, but if I remember correctly Ghost Machinist went inside to check the place out, and Cornerstone found the bodies of five dead federal agents stuffed in the garbage dumpster.
Interviewer: Cornerstone?
Polarity: Oh, I forgot to mention that by now Cornerstone, a big bruiser, but a good guy to have on your side in a street brawl, had joined us. He’s rummaging through the garbage behind Culvers, and finds these dead bodies. We call the feds to let them know what was going on, and then everything went to hell.
Interviewer: How so?
Polarity: Pickles.
Interviewer: Sir?
Polarity: Well, more specifically, the Pickler. He was a third rate villain, more of a minor annoyance really, who’d constantly show up, and get into trouble. He’d come up with this wild idea that if hired a bunch of kids, we couldn’t lay a hand on them.
Interviewer: Could you be a little more specific?
Polarity: Sorry about that, just thinking about that clown still gets me hot, he could have gotten those kids killed. And a couple of them almost were. But, back to what I was saying. Pickler and his gang start popping up through these big-damned pickle jars, made the whole place stink to high hell.
I wasn’t sure where Ghost Machinist was, so I bust through the front door, and here all these damned kids. I couldn’t believe it. I first thing I could think of, was to try to pin them all in. So I start pulling metal from around the place to form a wall around them, and one of them starts going on about how they’re just kids, and we cant touch them.
Interviewer: What was the rest of the team doing?
Polarity: Sorry, I meant to get back to that. Well, there were some vans, or trucks or something outside, and the next thing we know, there are more of these pickle kids popping up. There was one, Brine… Kid, Brine Boy, or something like that, that had some sort of, I guess you’d call it, a pickle juice cocoon surrounding him. It turns out that the “pickle juice, was some sort of mutagen. Anyone who came into contact with it was literally turned into a human pickle.
Well once they started popping up, South Paw, Starshadow, and Cornerstone got to work. Cornerstone tried to capture all of them by throwing the garbage dumpster on them. He ended up catching that Brine kid.
Interviewer: Sounds like you all had things under control.
Polarity: So did we, but things have a way not working out the way you’d like. Before we could round them all up, the Pickler shows up with this damned cane of his.
Interviewer: What was so special about his cane?
Polarity: We never did figure out where he got it from, but when he struck it against the ground, things started shaking, pickle juice is flying all over the damned place, no one knows what’s going on. Did I mention how bad it smelled?
Interviewer: Yes sir.
Polarity: Okay then, back to where I was at then. As I said, pickle juice is flying all over the place, and the next thing you know, a giant sentient pickle shows up.
Interviewer: A giant pickle?
Polarity: That’s right, the Big Pickle. I kid you not.
Interviewer: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I’m sorry I’m just trying to picture the looks on your faces as this giant pickle shows up on the scene.
Polarity: Yeah, I guess it does seem sort of funny now, but when it was happening it was far from funny. This pickle was a beast. It was several stories tall and out for blood. If I hadn’t been there, I would think this was a plot from a really bad B-movie.
Interviewer: So what happened next?
Polarity: Well Cornerstone jumped in and tried taking the thing out with the dumpster he’d used to capture the Brine kid. He might as well have thrown a spitball against it, as it would have been just as effective. While all this was going on, the Pickler is making his way into the back of the building, I’m trying to get this kids to surrender without a fight, and Southpaw and Starshade are trying to round up the rest of the gang. So this huge melee ensues.
Interviewer: There were some allegations that you all used excessive force against the members of the Pickle Gang.
Polarity: Excessive force? Your kidding right? I've been hearing that crap for years. Let me get this strait. For the record, we never laid a hand on them, and went out of our way to make sure they weren’t hurt in the fight.
Interviewer: So, how’d you guys manage to capture everyone.
Polarity: Well, it was a combined effort between myself, Southpaw, Starshade, Ghost Machine, and Cornerstone. We basically just wore the big pickle down. Once that happened the Pickle Gang fell apart like a house of cards. And the Pickler, what a looser, was taken out with one solid punch. Oh, and then this Brine kid, and you should have seen it, tries to make a low speed get-away his bubble of pickle juice.
Ha, ha, ha, ha… It was hilarious. Ha, ha, ha…cough, cough, cough.
Interviewer: Are you okay Mr. Williams?
Polarity: Cough, cough. I’m sorry about that. I haven’t had a good laugh in a while. Cough, cough.
Interviewer: I tell you what Mr. Williams, why don’t we take a short break, and continue after lunch break?
Polarity: Yeah, I guess we can do that.
Interviewer: Okay then, we'll see you around one o'clock then.
Polarity: That’s fine. Cough. That’s fine.
Interviewer:Bill, that's good. we're done for the moment.
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